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|
| Date |
July 2004 |
| Type |
Mag |
| Source |
Q, issue 204 |
| Title |
The learning zone :
Alison Goldfrapp milks a cow |
| Country |
UK |
| Journalist/Photographer |
/ Joe Dillworth |
| Pix |
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| Text |
Step 1
Show your beast who's boss
You have to be confident so the cow will sense you're in control. Start by staring it right in the eyes, Then stroke its udder as this will calm it down. You don't want the cow moving around as they really hurt if they kick you.
I once got a good whack from one when I was doing this at art school. I was milking a cow while yodelling, which is how I learned to milk a cow in the first place. My idea was to do with nature and technology?putting qomething very natural in a very artificial environment?so I amplified the cow, added some recorded bird sounds & yodelled away. Did I get a good grade? Yeah, I did actually.
Step 2
Gently does it
Before you start, rub vaseline into your hands to make them nice and greasy. Then, using your thumb and index finger, pinch the teat at the top & slowly drag your fingers downwards, squeezing out the milk. You can use all the teats. Once you get the knack you can do two at a time, one with each hand. Just squeeze, pull, squirt, pull. It's abit messy but you can usually get a good bucketfull in about quarter of an hour.
Step 3
Stick to cattle
You can milk goats, and apparently you can milk a horse but I don't recommend it. I've drunk horse's milk and it was disgusting. This shop in Antwerp sold the stuff. It had these very old-fashioned photographs of horses on the wall, but taken from a distance so you couldn't really see what they were doing to the horse.
After I ordered the owner went out the back for ages, which worried me, then came back with this glass of what was supposed to be milk. It was horrible, I had the taste with me for about a week. |
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