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|
| Date |
August 13 |
| Type |
Mag |
| Source |
NME |
| Title |
Peter Robinson Versus Alison Goldfrapp |
| Country |
UK |
| Journalist/Photographer |
Peter Robinson |
| Text |
She'd happily show you round Bath, but you'd have to bring your own sofa
Hello Alison, what are you doing?
"I'm watching The OC. I don't know what's going on - I'm totally confused. I switched the TV and I thought it was Dallas or something from the 1980s, but it wasn't..."
Why do you like dressing up as a horse?
"I've only ever worn the tail, but it does feel good. There's something about it swooshing around on the backs of your legs that feels nice..."
So it's not because you like to be the centaur of attention?
"Oh dear. Yes, I have found that. Yes."
What do you think of James Blunt?
"[trills a bit of 'You're Beautiful'] Catchy tune, don't like it. I think he sounds like some weird guy with fuzzy hair from the '70s. I don't like it at all - those lyrics! My God! I mean, fine, rhyming is fun, but he's literally pulled out anything that rhymes. I mean workmen are whistling it. Which is a good thing, I suppose, because it means it's infectious. But then so are viruses, and they're no good, are they?"
What do you smell of?
"I've got lemon on. I've just chopped up a lemon and rubbed it all over myself[?!]. No, I haven't. And I've got some horse saliva on my sleeve. I really have, you know. It's green."
Have you ever been shat on by a horse?
"Funny you should ask that: yes. it shat on my foot. And it was huge! Huge, steaming, poo. And I got shat on the other day, too - it must be karma. I was sat outside in my garden in Bath, on the phone, and something flew above me and shat on me."
So you think it might have been a flying horse?
"I think it was probably a bird."
Suggest, to the average NME reader, your plans for a good night out in Bath.
"Well, I'd bring you round to my house. And I'd show you my etchings. And then I'd take you to a really old-fashioned pub with old wooden booths and really old blokes drinking scrumpy out of their pewter tankards. They have lock-ins too, don't you know."
What would be an appropriate way for you to die?
"Probably getting my horse's tail caught in a wind machine while on stage. The audience would love it and they'd think it would be part of the act, but I'd be dying."
You'd be like the Tommy Cooper of pop.
"Yes. Except chopped into pieces and flung out into the audience."
When did you last tell someone to shut up because they were quite obviously talking rubbish?
"Quite recently, to my keyboard player's dad. But he likes to be punished by me, I think."
Do you ever sit down and consider the huge cosmic coincidence that your surname also happens to be the name of the band you ended up in?
"[Patient laugh] You know, last year I was buying a sofa, and I gave my card over the counter and the guy was like, 'OH WOW! You've got the same name as that pop singer!'. I just had to go along with it."
Where does a member of Goldfrapp buy their sofas?
"Well, this is the problem. It arrived at my house and I decided I didn't like the bloody thing, so I got them to take it back. I haven't had a sofa in the two years I've been living here - I've just got cushions on the floor, which confuses guests because they don't really know what to do. It's a bit studenty and scuzzy, isn't it?"
What with Goldfrapp having now made the best pop album of 2005, shouldn't everyone else pack up and go home?
"Well, I think there's a lot of people around making good pop music, don't you? Franz Ferdinand etc, bands who show that pop music doesn't have to be all show and superficial. I'm not really very good at advice."
What will the eighth Goldfrapp album sound like?
"Probably really slow and out of tune because by then we'll be old and deaf. And it will be very short. No! We'll be repeating the same thing again and again because we will both have Alzheimer's. It'll be rambling and noodly."
What will it be called?
"My Wooden Leg."
That's an NME exclusive! And what will music be like in one billion years?
"Maybe there won't even be music. We'll probably be talking in some weird gibberish. Music will be instrumentals with gibberish on top."
You've just described the Crazy Frog single. What a terrifying vision of the future, etc.
"Yes. Mark my words though, we won't be talking. Language will be passe. There'll be monosyllabic grunts."
Well that's ended the interview on a bit of a downer.
"Sorry. You wanted witty, didn't you?" |
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